Episode 35: Putting the Transphobia in the Andrews Transphobia Trial
“This morning, Senator Travis put the transphobia in the Andrews Transphobia Trial,” proclaimed a reporter on the steps, “by trying to introduce the testimony of a radical advocate of de-transitioning, therapies that internationally-recognized experts have condemned as human rights violations. More, after this break.”
“Yo, what’s up zoomers? It’s ya’ boy, Zoomcaster, here, and this morning was a wild ride in the courtroom. We saw some heart-wrenching testimony about the late David Reimer and his story. Talk about tragic! No wonder the state is fighting so hard to keep THAT testimony away from the jury. The energy in town is electric; there’s a sense… a feeling of unease in the air, like something big is about to go down. I spotted stacks of bricks and stones around town. I’m like, what’s the deal with that? Keep tuning in as the judge drops the verdict. It’s gonna be intense! ‘Like’ and ‘Subscribe’ and don’t forget to hit the notification bell so you don’t miss a single update!”
“You’re watching the number one conservative videocast in the entire universe,” began another young man. “This morning, Dr. Sophia Lachman shot the case for transgender affirmation full of holes. If YOU’D like the energy to shoot YOUR opponent’s arguments full of holes, you need the right ammunition. You need ‘Bronze Cartridge Coffee!’ Now, YOU can caffeinate with patriot power from America’s top veteran-owned artisanal coffee roaster. For a limited time, you can go to their website and use promo-code…”
“The contrast between America and Britain was never clearer than in the courtroom behind me this morning,” a British reporter declared. “The judge let Senator Travis put the transphobia in the Andrews Transphobia Trial with a long, rambling, transphobic diatribe from some radical transphobic advocate of de-transitioning therapies – therapies that internationally-recognized experts have condemned as human rights violations. We can only hope the judge has the modicum of sense necessary to throw that testimony out.”
“The high point of this morning’s proceedings was reached with the appearance of Dr. Sophia Lachman,” a gray-haired reporter typed into his laptop. “The state struggled mightily to exclude her testimony, and now we know why. The instant she was asked a question bearing directly upon the case at bar there was a flurry in the state bull pen and Castillo was on her feet with protests.
“Then, began one of the clearest, most succinct and withal most eloquent presentations of the history, science, and practice of transgenderism and gender affirmation that I have ever heard. The good doctor was never at a loss for a word, and her ideas flowed freely and smoothly. Travis steered her magnificently. A word or two and she was howling down the wind. Another and she hauled up to discharge a broadside. There was no cocksureness in her. Instead, she was rather cautious and deprecatory. But what she got over before she finished was a superb counterblast to the transgenderist buncombe. The jury, at least, in theory, heard nothing of it, but it went whooping onto the Internet, and it went banging into the face of Castillo....”
“Senator Travis put the transphobia in the Andrews Transphobia Trial this morning,” still another reporter declared into a camera, “and Judge Connor just let him do it. Will the judge redeem himself by throwing out Dr. Lachman’s testimony? We’ll find out this afternoon.”
“All together now,” began a balding man, “deep breath in… hold it… and out. Now, with our inspiration inhalation out of the way, you probably heard about David Reimer, the boy who lost his penis, was surgically altered and raised as a girl, and insisted on reclaiming his male identity. You’re probably thinking that tragic story proves something about how gender affirmation is a bad thing. Well, that’s why I’m the Great Analyzer and you aren’t. Because, what it REALLY proves is that gender identity trumps biology. Plus, it further validates my ‘hurt-feelings hypothesis.’ Am I right? Of course, I am. Let me explain.”
“There’s an old motto in journalism,” another reporter emoted into the camera, “YOU buy the news, but WE pay the price. Never has that principle been more relevant than today. We journalists sure paid the price for you this morning, having to watch and listen as Senator Travis put the transphobia in the Andrews Transphobia Trial. We forced ourselves to witness it, so you don’t have to expose yourself to his vile hatred. We carry the trauma in our souls, so you don’t have to.”
“This morning,” the Dangerous Tranny declared, “Judge Connor decided in a most Solomon-like and cowardly fashion to split the baby between the prosecution and the defense, satisfying neither side. WE at least got to hear Dr. Sophia Lachman’s devastating testimony, but the jury didn’t. You can tell that testimony was highly effective because it reduced the legacy media to prattling on about how dangerously transphobic it was, and how it ‘put the transphobia into the Andrews Transphobia Trial.’ No one was allowed to hear the testimony of the de-transitioned victims of gender affirmation the defense tried to present. His honor told us to expect his decision when we reconvene after lunch. So, this afternoon, we’ll either be hearing Dr. Lachman testify again, but in front of the jury, or failing that, we might even be hearing from the man of the hour, Dr. Andrews, himself!”
